POTATO/

SOL

In the year 2028, LeBron James suffered a freak accident at his Beverly Hills mansion, following the former NBA star’s announcement that he would be retiring after the Los Angeles Lakers managed a record breaking (0-82) season performance. One week after James announced his departure, the former NBA player was at home reheating a potato in the microwave when tragedy struck. After just 69 seconds, the microwave short circuited and exploded with a powerful blast, launching plumes of radioactive smoke — along with a radioactive potato — directly at James’ neck. Upon contact, in an aberration that baffles the world’s leading scientists to this day, the vegetable severed James’ head from his body. Due to the intense heat and genetic implications of radiation, the potato was instantly fused to the bottom of his head, with its roots connecting to his brain by traveling up the few vertebrae that remained. The ordeal left the former star in critical condition for several weeks, but James ultimately saw a full recovery after a classified experimental treatment was carried out by scientists from the US Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) in coordination with leaders at the National Institutes of Health (NIH). James now lives happy as a potato-human chimera, emphasizing his desire for “privacy during these strange times.”